Rick Takes on the Feds (not a brilliant move)

We created this blog site to help update people on our adoption process, so you'll have to forgive our previous post about the wash-out created by our sprinkler system. It was just too exciting to ignore.

Back to the adoption process....

For those who are curious, it looks like we will be adopting a baby girl from China in early 2007.

At this point in time, we have perservered and muddled through about 90% of the China adoption process. We started this process sometime in early 2005, so if you are thinking about adopting a baby from China, you should figure that it will take a little over two years. Do not get mad or upset during this long process -- it really doesn't do any good. Just roll with it. Your little bundle of joy will arrive sooner or later.

And our "sooner" is finally starting to happen. We are at the stage that they dub "Pending Referral." In a nutshell, Pending Referral means this: "In about 5 or 6 months, we (China) will send you a picture of the baby (or babies) that has been selected for you."

Once we receive the picture, we'll make flight plans, and then we'll leave for China about six weeks later. We'll spend two weeks in China -- our baby will be given to us on the third day that we are there. She'll be given her immunizations and assorted medical check-ups; and then we'll tour the countryside and experience Chinese culture together as a family.

So that's the status of this adventure as of November 24, 2006. Other than the long process, we've had relatively few surprises or mishaps -- with one notable exception. One of the adoption requirements is to get fingerprinted by the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS), which is part of the Department of Homeland Security, and then your fingerprints will be forwarded to the FBI to make sure that you are not a drug dealer or wanted for some other nefarious crime. USCIS gives the FBI a few days to perform this routine check, then USCIS calls the FBI to make sure that all is good. If all is good, USCIS sends the appropriate -- and very important --paperwork to you.

Unfortunately for our process, the USCIS wrote us a letter stating that they could not find evidence of my prints being cleared by the FBI. We immediately called the FBI, and they said my prints had cleared with no problems whatsoever. After hearing this from the FBI, we called USCIS, and the telephone receptionist said we could not talk to anyone at USCIS about the mistake. She told us we could only write via email or USPS.

So in a unusual moment of frustration, I wrote the following email to the Department of Homeland Security. Looking back, I definitely regret it and feel that I could have been a better person about the whole thing. The only good part is that it makes for a couple decent chuckles. Enjoy.

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Dear Ms. or Mr. USCIS Staff Person (for some goofy reason, we're not allowed to know your name or speak to you like real people do),

It seems that we are in receipt of an erroneous letter from USCIS (CASE TYPE I-600).
You stated in your letter that we need to be fingerprinted by USCIS and that the FBI must process the the fingerprints.

This has been accomplished. We have already been fingerprinted by the USCIS.
The fingerprinting was completed on September 7, 2005.

I distinctly remember the experience. We arrived early for our September 7 fingerprinting appointment, not at all expecting the incredible fun we were about to have. First, Mr. Security Guard checked our names, photo IDs, and looked at our hands. Then he directed us to the Table Lady. The Table Lady looked at our hands again, reviewed our paperwork, and checked our IDs. She gave us numbers out of one of those red machines like you see at the grocery store when you're waiting at the deli counter (I was 000 and my wife was 001). She said to have a seat among the 75 available chairs in the waiting area. My wife and I sat in two of those seats (after we sat down, there were 73 chairs available). She said that someone would call our number in a few moments. Sure enough, the Number Announcer (actually it was just the Table Lady again -- she appears to be a multi-tasker) called out my number after only about 30 seconds. Excited at my good fortune of being picked first out of the crowd of two people, I sprang up out of my chair and quickly made my way back to the Table Lady.

The Table Lady introduced me to the Fingerprint Lady, who promptly inpected my hands once again. The Fingerprint Lady brought me over to the Fancy Machine and began the process of scanning my fingerprints. At times, the Fancy Machine did not scan my fingers very well, so then the Fingerprint Lady rubbed Magic Greasy Stuff on my fingers so that the Fancy Machine could read the prints better. Let me tell you something -- that Magic Greasy Stuff really works! The Fancy Machine scanned my fingerprints with ease.

Once the Fingerprint Lady completed the fingerprint scanning, she called over the QA Person (she did so by calling in a strong voice, "QA, please!"). I believe that QA means Quality Assurance, but I am really not sure. Anyway, QA Person looked at my hands, too. (At this time, I was beginning to feel a little self-conscious about my hands -- they've never been looked so many times in such a short time span.) After inspecting my hands, QA Person reviewed the fingerprints that now were inside the Fancy Machine and verified my personal information in the Fancy Machine. QA Person gave the "all clear," and I was free to go.

I headed to the men's room to wash the Magic Greasy Stuff off my fingers (plus I was afraid of germs from the Fancy Machine -- I don't think it is cleaned very often). After washing, I exited the men's room and took a seat to wait for my wife. Her fingerprinting was completed a few minutes later. After she was done, we made our way to the door -- but not before we said goodbye to QA Person, Fingerprint Lady, Table Lady (aka Number Announcer), and Mr. Security Guard. We wished them all the best, as this was the most incredible USCIS fingerprinting session we ever experienced! (Okay, it was the only USCIS fingerprinting experience we ever had.)

The FBI cleared the fingerprints the same day (or shortly thereafter).

This has been an unusual process. My wife and I are both "people persons," so dealing with the whole USCIS "do-not-talk-to-us" thing is kind of impersonal and just feels kind of weird. We're making the best of it, though. I guess everyone must go through it, but it sure stinks. Anyway, we are emailing you the above information as this appears to be the protocol.

Please correct this error (or notify us as to what needs to be accomplished) within the next three business days. We look forward to hearing (actually reading) back from you.

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Well, that's it for now. Feel free to chastise me for being such an idiot.

-Rick